What To Ask For...
A gift-guide on how to ask, receive, and live this holiday...
“All I want for Christmas is you,” sure.
But when your partner, your kids, your mother-in-law, or whoever feels compelled to get you something asks, “What would you like?”… don’t leave them wandering the aisles of Amazon, guessing.
Ask for what you actually want.
And mean it.
A thoughtfully made list isn’t indulgent—it’s aligned. It’s kind to yourself and generous to others. It gives the people who love you a chance to really see you, and it lets them gift you well. Your list reflects who you are now and quietly hints at who you’re becoming. Letting others in is gracious.
Before editing, make your list longer than feels polite. Let it wander. Let it be impractical. Let it include things you wouldn’t normally buy for yourself (that’s kind of the point, isn’t it?).
Think beyond objects.
Think about how you want to feel… and what might move you there.
Some of my favorite asks live outside the “stuff” category entirely. Others are very much things, but chosen with intention. A few personal favorites:
Something that moves you forward.
A beautiful journal with pens that make writing feel ceremonial. A local class (Firestick Pottery is a personal favorite, gifted it a few years back and ended up with terrible pottery and great memories). A virtual class you’ve saved and never scheduled. A Masterclass membership - learn anything. Cooking. Astrology. Human Design. Painting. This is a gift that opens a door rather than fills a shelf.
Travel, in any form.
Anything travel-adjacent counts. Luggage you wouldn’t normally splurge on. French perfume. Italian linen. Portuguese tile. Tickets to a place (near or far) you’ve always wanted to experience. A book that sparks the itch to go (Assouline always does it for me). I love shops like Passport Habits for this—they sell encouragement as much as objects.
The BIG Gift.
The almost un-ask-able thing. Everyone has one. The Bag. The Eames chair. Paris. A solo weekend away. Put that on the list. Not because you expect it, but because desire deserves daylight. If it’s something you’ve loved for years, ask for contributions toward it. I’d rather slowly invest in something meaningful than accept something that’s forgotten by February. When the ask has heart, it isn’t about money, but intention. Imagine thanking each person who paid for a stitch of your own Birkin.
A monthly flower delivery.
Beauty that arrives again and again. I love arranging my own weekly blooms, but a done-for-you bouquet is unmatched. I ask for this most years, usually from a different local florist. This year it’s Forage. Other subscriptions can be just as lovely… book clubs, whiskey clubs, small monthly rituals that feel like care.
Kitchen tools meant to be shared.
Years ago I gifted my daughters a KitchenAid mixer and put together a cupcake-decorating kit. We spent hours together making (and eating) very imperfect treats. This year, everyone’s getting a WhirlyPop popper for movie nights. These are gifts that create rituals, not clutter.
Upgrades to what you already own.
A new Vitamix pitcher instead of an entirely new machine. Sharpening kitchen knives. Adding an attachment to something you already love. Upgrading or mending bedding. Revived outdoor furniture. Buy for life, then refine. It’s the opposite of slash-and-burn consumption.
Beautiful glassware.
Many of my friends know I choose drinks based on the glass. Presentation matters. Bring that feeling home—cocktail glasses, a daily sipper, something that adds a little joy to the everyday.
Something that makes you feel beautiful.
Jewelry always feels like a quiet luxury. Jes Maharry or Susan Cummings locally, Nancy Wallis in Canada. Or truly excellent skincare that leaves you feeling nourished: EarthTonics locally, May Lindstromin LA. You’re welcome.
Shop local. Shop small.
Makers, artists, small shops that keep money, and meaning, close to home. I often take photos of pieces I love as hints for my family. Even revisiting those images later brings the energy back.
Don’t shy away from vintage.
Forever pieces mean they may have been loved before. True statements are timeless. A wonderful way to bring in those high ticket items you’ve been craving. Check out the Real Real, or many of the other sites that authenticate.
Acts of service.
Anything from babysitting credit. Help finishing a project. A house cleaner. A personal assistant. Remember—we’re thinking big here.
And finally, some fun socks…
Especially from my kiddos, because I think of them every time I pull on a pair.
Ask for what you want.
It feels good to be spoiled sometimes.
And it feels even better to be known.
This list isn’t just for others—it’s for you. To clarify what you want, who you are, and what you might start gifting yourself throughout the year.
When you take the time to name what you’d genuinely love to receive, something shifts. Your attention moves from obligation to possibility. From needs to wants. That’s where joy lives.
Cheers to the year that you didn’t have to say “and I got a ROBE…” ← don’t miss this SNL reference…
xo
Abby
P.S. This list helps figure out what to give too… encourage everyone to create a list all year long. Not for consumerism. not for things. To get really clear on what we actually value and truly wish for.
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